The other day I was scurrying about, attempting to organize my Universe. I was defensive and scared, seeking the reflection of the man who knows me best, who often shares my view….. I telephoned endlessly the voice mail of my lover. No answer.
I found myself on the freeway, zipping from South to North, North to South. Which lanes moved? Was it “rush hour”? Could I beat the collective reality with my own game? The more I zoomed, the more desperate I became. Who was driving the car?
I’ve always loved the wisdom of the phrase, “the external is a reflection of your internal state”. At this time I was clear that it was completely true. And the more I pushed and ran and maneuvered the sillier and crazier the story became. With my strong willed drive, I continued my attempt to “fix what ailed me” on the outside. I could feel my frustrations and anger bubbling as a tasty soup. I was aware of, and witnessing the smaller, more contracted version of myself, leading me into a pool of feeling that only my expanded and larger self knows is precisely where my solution lies.
I was using my outer reality to rev up the inner drama, while unveiling the vibration that was the true author of events I was experiencing. It was a reprise to the original source of my feelings, a story I have created and lived repeatedly as “my story”, most of my life.
Don’t we all have an underlying theme somewhere in the inner reaches of our beings as a human? Themes that create distortions in our perceptions of who we really are? I have come to refer to some of these themes as my “misguiding principles.” The voices that were not ours; the voices that were the promise of authority that warped us instead of connecting us to our own wise guidance. Those voices taught us to go outside for answers, to believe that someone else held the ultimate in truth to what was best for us. We could “trust them”. When in “truth” they were also spouting the line of nonsense that was given to them in the beginning. It taught us to try to fix things on the outside instead of knowing that our inner state will without fail produce our outer state.
So, this vibration that I was attempting to control……more proof. I must be useless and worth not much desirable. My simple basic human needs denied, yet again, could I find a human on the outside that would embrace my struggle with acceptance and compassion? One who would say, “Come closer, so I can feel you, and reflect to you, the beautiful love that you are……inside. I can give you safe harbor for awhile. “
I found myself being angry again. “Injustice,” said my feeling self, lightly peppered with the judgments of my contracted awareness. And as I melted further into knowing the worldly details of my story did not matter, I allowed myself to feel the rainbow and richness of my disappointment, sadness, anger, and frustration of not being seen for the beautiful, loving, shining, genesis that I am, that we all came here to be……
Now this is an old story mind you.
And my vibration will keep churning out proof as events in my daily life, unless I stop the wheel and get off. And how do I shift this?
I found the voice of Love inside myself by being quiet. The traffic jam forced me to be still. (thank you, Universe) As I waited and breathed, and listened to my heart beating, it opened the door to a well spring of calm that was waiting for me. My presence within.
It is as simple and uncomplicated as Presence. Be now. Let myself be and feel. Accept, allow, make space for, be with, embrace, whatever you want to call it. Feel the feelings that are real, without attempting to change, fix, heal, or explain. Release your grip. Accept right where you are in this moment without judging yourself. Let yourself be raised by the Love of your own presence. In every moment Love is the true guiding principle. We dress it up with names, and faces, and jargon, but in the end, the essence is Love.
And how do you access this Love? Slow down and feel. It is in your core. It is the essence of every cell in your body. It is the fire that keeps our bodies warm. So I do this every day. I intend to flow and know that I will be shown where my vibration is still kicking out the old, tired, worn out stories that are given new life daily by my own Life Force. Where will I choose to direct it today? Where will I focus my incredible power of creating? I intend to reclaim the pathways of my power to create. And it is all done effortlessly for me by my intention. I intend that I am Love, and Joy and Beauty.
So I choose to vibrate consciously. And create stories that really serve the inhabitants of our brilliant star system. My vibration creates Universes. And perhaps the events I shall see in my very near future are reflections of me in this higher, lighter vibratory state of sheer Bliss.
As I got calmer and peaceful within, the traffic dissolved. As I softened, so did the walls become windows for my insight. I rejoined the flow, and solutions came swiftly, my lover called to remind me that I was powerful and shone like the stars. All I could say was, “Thanks.”